Barry Scott: Tosser

When you first move into a student house, first impressions are everything as you try desperately to keep the lid on your quirky behaviour in front of your new housemates (so dancing in your underpants to Lou Bega is a big no-no). Every action, you feel, is scrutinized by your fellow inmates as you embark on life without the safety net of your family around you. But probably the hardest aspect of student living is job delegation, and in particular, cleaning.

Now, when I was a fresher, I lived in a house with 3 other guys, so obviously cleanliness was paramount. OK, I’m lying but it was still a necessity. However, maintaining a good level of tidiness takes meticulous planning and a level of negotiation that even a Galactic Envoy would find challenging. Finding the ‘appropriate’ level of apparent care over the domestic issues is a tricky business, especially in a house full of dirty boys.

If you put too much emphasis on cleanliness and you begin to name the house’s cleaning utensils, than you run the risk of being labelled a ‘poof’, ‘wuss’ or (much worse) ‘Kim and Aggie’s soapy lovechild’.

You wouldn’t think it but there’s a thin line between bossy housewife and slack student. In the cleaning world I’d like to think of myself as a ‘Mr Muscle’ character – geeky, knobbly kneed, a hit with mothers, but most importantly, I get the job done, often with a sparkle. I’m quieter than Barry Scott, but not as needy or whiny as ‘Toilet Duck’.

So it was with these credentials that I, through no fault of my own, quickly became the houses resident feather duster. Without the influence of girls, who naturally possess the organisational skills that completely escape guys, (save the tremendous organisational effort of aiming correctly into the toilet) we had no-body to maintain good standards for.

Well excuse me for not wanting to sit in bog-standard conditions guys. Excuse me for staving off all kinds of unspeakable bacteria through a simple occasional wipe down. Excuse me for…FOR WANTING TO BE APPRECIATED! Sob.

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